THE OFFICIAL DELUXE
PROFESSIONAL GUIDE TO
STARING AT THE SUN
VOLUME 41:
COMBATTING LONELINESS PT. 1
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What do we do when we feel lonely, kiddos?
Look, feeling a little alone can be perfectly normal. In fact, lonely times often give us some of our favorite comfies and cozies. The OPPORTUNITY here is to spend some more time in a bathrobe, having the day YOU want to have. Even if that day is a lonely one.
Are you alone right now?
Oh wow.
Take one really big breath of that only-you air.
Let it out slow and bask in being your sole companion.
Just. Be. Alone.
You are your own companion.
Alone is a mighty and powerful place. Where many of us get our work done, ultimately. Where we can access ourselves, decide our actions, set forth the ultimate experiment that is our life. BE.
Of course being lonely can be a bad feeling in some instances. My advice would be to find a way, any way, to fill that space. With anything. Call someone. Walk to the corner for a soda. Read this newsletter.
Till next time, Loners.
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You new around these parts?
If this is your first Guide to Staring at the Sun,
W E L C O M E!
These funky newsletters brighten your inbox twice a month with pure internet dopamine. We're spelunking through the cavernous routes of the deep web to bring you fresh content, sound advice, mind snacks and curated playlists.
Check out previous volumes in our Reading Room!
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PLAYLIST: RUN IT HARD, LONER
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A COMPREHENSIVE REVIEW OF PREDATOR, PREDATOR 2, PREDATORS, AND PREY
When one is lonely for a week, one might attempt to watch as many Predator Franchise films as humanly possible. What will one learn? How to lay an ambush for enemy goons? Always to look to the trees? That even if you cannot see it, the Predator is there, waiting to gut you like a fish?
HERES THE SKINNY, PREDATOR FANATICS!!!
PREDATOR
Close to a perfect movie. Arnold is truly the perfect action star here: a gritty tough leader who deserves his respect and KICKS ALL ASSES.
His match is a lethal alienoid assassin who takes heads. Their setting: the jungle battleground.
Look, if you’re not jacked up by the time Arnold and Carl Weathers and crew are raining down hell upon rebel guerillas and screaming CONTAAAAAAAAAACT and opening up with a minigun into the jungle till it clicks… then maybe it’ll be the cold silent killing of the spec ops crew by a cat-like alien assassin that gets your blood pumping. It’s tense. It’s bloody. It’s creepy sci-fi to the T.
10/5 Predator Claws, PRIME PREDATOR FLICK AWARD
PREDATOR 2
Opens on one of the most insane extended action sequences in all of movie history. The Predator is in LA for some reason (took a meeting?), but he’s only spectating as a hellish dystopian wasteland of 1997 LA tears itself apart. Open violent gang war, cops bleeding to death in the streets.
Enter Danny Glover.
He screeches up to the gang war, hops out. “Hey, assholes!” Blam blam blam, goodbye assholes. “What the fuck is going on?” Literally.
Holy fuck this movie is insane! For some reason the Predator entangles itself deeply in the massive Los Angeles crime war that’s going on and we basically get to see the predator hunt the different gangs and the cops.
This is a movie from another era folks, and yes it’s pretty bad. I got too high and fell asleep at the end but I pretty much got the gist of it.
1/4 Predators, MODERATELY Advise Against (Unless you're a Danny Glover fan.)
PREDATORS
“Whatever it is. Wherever they’re from. We’re gonna kill em all… It can be done. But I can’t do it alone.”
Hemingway-quoting Adrien Brody and a gang of other hard fighter types (Walter Goggins, tk, a kid from That 70s Show) awake parachuting toward a jungle. They are armed! They might kill each other! But who are they, where are they, and when exactly will the Predator(s) be killing each of them???
EVEN LAWRENCE HAS SMELLED YOU SINCE YOU GOT HERE!!!
So… How is it??? SWITCH IT ON AND YOU SHALL SEE, DEARIES!!! PREPARE FOR MUDDIED UP ADRIEN BRODY AND LOTSA BEHEADINGS!
WHAT A FLICK!
4/5 PREDATOR CLAWS, PERFECT BONG WATCH ALERT
PREY
This recent prequel to the franchise is a delight. Director Dan Trachtenberg does just as good a job here at world-building as in the Adrien-Brody-fest.
It follows Naru, a member of the Comanches, who is expected to marry and do wifely duties, though she only wants to hunt and be a warrior.
When a Predator lands near her tribe and begins to hunt its finest warriors, her work is cut out for her. It’s all about bows and arrows, knives and sneak attacks — a whole different feel than Arnold’s explosions-filled classic. (Even the predator, who has laser-guided darts rather than plasma rays, gets in on this throwback-weapons action.)
In the woods, everything is hunting or being hunted. Naru and the Predator simply join in on the dance, with mesmerizing effect.
5/5 PREDATORS, ADD IT TO THE CANON AND GET ME MY BOW!
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ASK A GLADIATOR
We Interviewed NITRO from American Gladiator!!!!!!!!*
Recently we ran into a real hero, NITRO from American Gladiator. Did you know that no one has delivered more spears to the chest on air in the history of THE WORLD than NITRO?
And people say NITRO isn’t a real person. They contend that athlete, TV personality, author, actor, and producer Danny Lee Clark played this god-like character.
WELL GUESS WHAT??? I DON’T BELIEVE IT. BECAUSE I MET NITRO IN REAL PERSON DOWN AT THE SUPERMARKET EARLIER TODAY!!!
WHAT’S UP NITRO!!!?? HOW GOES IT!!
NITRO: What? Um, I’m good. How’re you?
[R] So good man! What a day it is, talking to NITRO, one of my absolute heroes. So, how have you been since retirement?
NITRO: Oh, pretty good. Playing lots of golf. But um…
[R] So what was it like being on American Gladiator during the golden years?
NITRO: Um…
[R] I recently watched your hit on Rob Funkel in Season 1 Episode 4. Was that the defining moment of the first season, do you think? The way you, Thunder, Malibu, and Gemini embraced after you rocked Rob’s world really marked a turning point in the show. After that episode, the contestants felt real fear when they faced off against you Gladiators.
NITRO: I think there’s been a mistake.
[R] Question: Would you rather face a rush or a turtle in Powerball? I always thought the best challengers played a hybrid of sorts —
NITRO: Fella, I’m not Nitro. My name’s Roger. I used to work down at the bank.
[R] Fool me once, shame on me, Nitro. Shame me twice… No, I know it’s you. Cmon, fess up.
NITRO: No.
[R] Seriously?
NITRO: Yes. My name is Roger. Do I look like I even work out?
[R] I guess not.
IT WAS DEFINITELY HIM THO!!!!
*or some guy who claimed he was NITRO from American Gladiator
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RANDOM QUOTE FROM SALMAN RUSHDIE, AN AMAZING WRITER, TOTAL BADASS, AND CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM ALUM
“In Nicaragua, the mask was an indispensable feature of many popular festivals and folk-dances. There were animal-masks, devil masks, even, as I was to discover, masks of men with bleeding bullet-holes in the center of their forehead.”
- The Jaguar Smile
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YOU THINK YOU’RE LONELY
TRY LIVING ON THE SURFACE OF ASTEROID 162173 RYUGU. PRETTY GODDAMN QUIET OUT HERE. PHOTO BY ME, CRAFT HYABUSA-2.
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