THE OFFICIAL DELUXE
PROFESSIONAL GUIDE TO
STARING AT THE SUN
VOLUME 44:
TICK, TICK, TICK!!
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I had the pleasure of spending the day among watchmakers the other day. You needn’t know where I was nor why I was there, only that these watchmakers were among the very finest in the world.
They wore little plastic condoms on their fingers, paper bags on their feet, and magnified monocles in their eyes. The better to see the mechanical watch movement with, my dear.
STRANGE TIMES!!! Their day was filled with tick-tick-tick-tick-tick, or a lack of it. Like gargantuan mechanics, these men and women set about their work of the day, cracking open tiny engines of mechanical watchmaking. Springs and pivots and counterbalances, meant to whir and whiz and tick out a beat of life evenly across the day, the size of pinhead. These parts were not working properly.
Work to do. Watches to be fixed. Tick tick tick tick tick tick.
These watchmakers diagnosed and harumphed and bent ever closer to their work. They tweezed and unscrewed at microscopic scale, replaced and repaired little twigs of metal. Re-oiled, tuned up, til its mechanisms were fired up once again.
And then tick-tick-tick-tick-tick, the steady beating of a metal heart once again.
OR MAYBE I WAS JUST A LITTLE STONED!!!
They were fascinating people, these watchmakers. I noted the smoothness with which they did their work, driven always on by the tick-tick-ticking away of time, but never harried when the ticking went awry and time itself stopped.
There is a way of living that goes within and without time. It is never quite under our control but if you watch carefully you may just see, in a quick instant or two throughout your day, time bend or even break just for a moment.
Then it will be gone and you will be passing time once again.
Tick tick tick tick tick…
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DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND BUY A SEIKO!!!
Almost 130 years ago, Kintaro Hattori founded the Seikosha clock factory in Tokyo. Later, he would make the first Japanese wristwatches, spawning an absolute legend of a watch brand, Seiko. Today, Seiko’s one of the biggest watchmaking brands in the world. And I’m here to tell you that if you wanna track some time on your wrist, Seiko’s the watchmaker for you.
Seiko rocks because it makes great watches of all kinds at all price points, and they’ve been doing it a long time. Wanna nerd out on a budget? They innovated quartz with one of the first quartz watches, the first six-digit LCD display quartz and the first analog quartz chronograph. Into mechanical watches, which run on tiny “movements” made of springs and gears built to high precision? They’ve got lots of those, too.
Seiko watches have graced the wrists of some of the coolest folks around, from Schwarzennegger to Sigourney Weaver. And that, my friends, is why I love Seiko watches. Here are a few of the real gems.
SEIKO “SOLAR ARNIE”
Arnie wore this one in Predator!!
SEIKO PANDA SPEEDTIMER
PANDA BECAUSE IT’S BLACK AND WHITE!! Yeah, this one’s pretty neat.
VINTAGE SEIKO BULLHEAD
BIG 1970S ENERGY!! It’s old but runs great! A dope AF watch for sure.
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An Argument for Teaching Dogs to Drive
Frankly, what this charity out of New Zealand has done here is nothing short of brilliant.
Driving Dogs taught Monty, a giant schnauzer, how to drive a car. As you can see, Monty has painstakingly learned the proper process for starting a car, putting that hot rod in drive and gunning it. He can even take a hairpin turn at slow speed.
Good work Monty!!!!
The school exists to show humans how smart dogs can be. Also, if you adopt Monty he can drive you anywhere!!! GOOD BOY MONTY!! Time to get to work buddy. You take the wheel. I’ve got my piece and this bag. Let’s roll on down to the bank and take out a little deposit!!!
OK, hang right here Monty. Yeah, this spot right out front. Keep it running dog. Keep that snout down. If you see the cops DO NOT CHASE. STAY BOY. STAY.
GOOD BOY MONTY!!!! WE GOT THE GOODS!! LET’S GO MONTY LET’S GO!! THAT’S A GOOD BOY DADDY’S GETTING YOU SOME PRIMO DOG BED BUSTER!!!!
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You new around these parts?
If this is your first Guide to Staring at the Sun,
W E L C O M E!
These funky newsletters brighten your inbox twice a month with pure internet dopamine. We're spelunking through the cavernous routes of the deep web to bring you fresh content, sound advice, mind snacks and curated playlists.
Check out previous volumes in our Reading Room!
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FEELING LIKE A LITTLE CRAWLY STINKBUG AT A PARTY?
EXCUSE ME?
ARE YOU FEELING LIKE A LITTLE CRAWLY STINKBUG AT THIS PARTY?
JUST A LITTLE STINKY BUG THAT HAS NO MOUTH ONLY MANDIBLES, AND SO IS UNABLE TO MAKE BASIC SMALL TALK?
THAT IS FRIGHTENED OF PREDATORS, LIKE THE COMMON HOUSE SPIDER, THAT COULD EAT ME IF I LEAVE THE SAFE COVER OF THIS BACK WALL?
NO?
JUST ME?
OH.
IT’S NOT ANYONE’S FAULT PARTICULARLY, THIS IS A GOOD PARTY AND ALL. SOMETIMES ONE JUST FEELS LIKE A LITTLE FRIGHTENED STINKBUG AT A PARTY, AND THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS.
OR IT COULD JUST BE THE WEED.
MAYBE I’LL GO SIT DOWN FOR A WHILE.
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TIME-SAVING LIFE HACKS!
These funky newsletters brighten your inbox twice a month with pure internet dopamine. We're spelunking through the cavernous routes of the deep web to bring you fresh content, sound advice, mind snacks and curated playlists.
- Stop throwing your phone across the room when the morning alarm goes off, then falling back asleep!! “Running late this morning” only works so often when you miss the Zoom!
- The shower is for getting clean, not lapsing into 45 minute rehearsals of arguments you’ve never had!!!
- Doom-scrolling counts as real time!!! YOU’RE GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY SOON!!!!
- Stop getting so stoned that it feels like you are moving through jello. Generally this helps you get more things done every day!
STAY COOL TILL NEXT TIME, TIME TRAVELERS!!!
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