ISSUE 53: NO LIES!!!

The Aloha Zone

“Opportunity be knocking -

Let-let the ma-ah-f*cka in!!!”

Mr. Baklava, aka Action Bronson

2024 IS LIT SO FAR, Y’ALL!!!

None of that other [redacted] from 2023 matters anymore!!!

TIME TO CRUSH IT INTO THIS NEW YEAR SPINNING THROUGH THE COSMOS TOGETHER!!!!

On our to-do list first: Some HOT NEW READING for the new year! Featuring Action Bronson, THE MAN HIMSELF.

[SECRET SIDE NOTE: COULD WE HAVE INTERVIEWED ACTION HIMSELF????? FIND OUT BELOW!!!!]

A VERY SPECIAL NEWSLETTER TO PUT A PIN IN 2023, GREAT AUNT STYLE!!!!

TOTALLY HONEST RESOLUTIONS!!!!

AND MORE!!!

SEE YA IN 2024!!!!

[redacted]

REVIEWED FROM THE TUB:

STONED BEYOND BELIEF BY ACTION BRONSON!!!

This book by Action Bronson and Rachel Wharton is just as delightful as F*ck, That’s Delicious and AB’s musical works.

This is stoner lifestyle at its peak. But you don’t even have to be a wook to appreciate its poetic half-thoughts about fried ravioli and seasoned baths. These tidbits are presented as individual spreads with photos, words, comics, and neat design cues, presumably directed by Action Himself. And if you’re a stoner wizard who digs the gluttonous poetry of Action, this book is a look inside the man’s brilliant head, with loads of incredible recipes to boot.

10/10 TACOS

READ ACTION’S BOOK IF YOU LOVE STUPID AWESOME SHIT!!!

DEEP CONVERSATION!

AN INTERVIEW WITH ACTION BRONSON!!!

I WOULD TELL YOU ABOUT THIS BUT IT’S TOP-SECRET STUFF!!!

[REDACTED]

BELATED 2024 RESOLUTIONS!!!

1. Eat more tacos and drink more coffee.

2. Learn the ancient art of playing the Rondador, the Ecuadorian national instrument.

3. [redacted]

4. Stop telling quite so many lies.

5. Fibs are OK, though.

6. What?

7. Oh, right, resolutions.

8. More tub time. Self care is key!!!

9. I will be more organized. I will be more organized. I will be more organized.
   
   One thing about organization is, you have to give yourself treats, not tricks. My buddy Vermont taught me this. Think about your future self walking into the kitchen and past self has already done half the dishes. WHAT A WIN FOR FUTURE SELF!!! That’s a treat.

10. Cut yourself some slack, champ. LIFE IN 2024 IS HARRRRRRRRRRRDDDD!!!

NEW AROUND THESE PARTS?

AN UGSATS YEAR IN REVIEW!!!

Well, it was another solid year here in UGSATS land!!!! [REDACTED] and I got up to our usual bag of tricks!!!

We started the year off with a trip to [redacted] for some time spent nude with some of our favorite Japanese friends. ONSEN, OF COURSE!!! Oh yes, high up in the [redacted] mountains we soaked like dumplings until no single thought could cloud our minds. Of course that all changed when things got hot and heavy in the lava-rock onsen known for its [REDACTED]!!!!!!!!! WE’LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE. OR A FEW TIMES!!!!

In April we were going through hard times—hard times all around!!!—but thanks to some help from Cousin Georgina and Neighbor Tom. Nothing a little bocce time can’t fix, right squad????

SUMMERTIME WAS HOT!!!

[REDACTED]

THEN WE MET ON THE ROOFTOP IN MARRAKECH FROM MISSION IMPOSSIBLE SEVEN AND TOM CRUISE WAS THERE - [REDACTED]

[REDACTED]

[REDACTED]

LEMON CHERRY DRIZZLE WITH THE CARNITAS OFF THE CHARTS, JUST ASK SHAKIRA!!!!

[REDACTED]

And well, we slept most of the year after that.

Here’s looking forward to many strange futures with you all in 2024. Surely this will be a really nice, good, positive year.

Right?

RIGHT?????

????

OK BYE!!!!