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ISSUE 51: LUNCH WITH A SUMO WRESTLER’S GHOST

The Aloha Zone

The other day I had a great lunch with a sumo wrestler’s ghost.


Maybe it was bad fish, but I swear suddenly there was the right honorable Futabayama Sadaji, one of the greatest sumo wrestlers of all time. Dude won 69 bouts straight once, all the way back in the 1930s!!!


He was an intimidating dude, let me tell ya – all of 300 pounds. He slapped his belly and I almost ran away!


Then he let out a big belly laugh and said in a low voice…


LET’S EAT!!!

IF YOU SPOT FUTUBAYAMA AROUND, TELL HIM

YABEIIIIIIIII!!!!


FOR ME!!!!


-[REDACTED]

DOWN THE MYSTERIOUS WORMHOLE!

SUMO WRESTLING!

The thrill of victory; the agony of defeat.


During a recent jaunt abroad, I watched some Sumo. And though I am no expert, I have enjoyed learning more about the sport, which blends WWE big-fella-tossin energy, the line-watching and strange habits of tennis, the footwork of linebackers and NBA centers, and is some 1300 years old.


In any proper sumo, a big fella (rishiki, in Japanese) tries to force his opponent from a circular ring (that’s dohyo, dude) or to make him (or her!) touch the ground with any body part other than the soles of his feet. This leads to some big-body tossin’.


The dohyo is a 15-foot dirt circle rounded by rice-straw bales. You either throw the opponent out of the ring, or throw them over while inside it. This happens fast, and its decisiveness is incredible to watch. The best rishikis are quick on their feet and so strong that they can win a direct confrontation, too. They are also good at timing: the fight doesn’t start till both rishikis put both fists on the ground. The last to go gains the initiative — sometimes.


(A side note: rishikis traditionally toss salt to purify the ring; rinse their mouths with “power water”; and slap their bellies a lot, because, why not? This spectacle is worth the price of admission itself, as the two big dudes basically posture around the ring at each other, occasionally bellowing.)


Hakuho Sho is a BEAST.


Top rishikis weigh on average 360 pounds. This one fella, Hakuho Sho, is considered the greatest living wrestler of all time. And boy is he a beast. Just watch some highlights and tell me you wouldn’t run away if he snorted and stomped your way.


Good news! You don’t have to be massive to try sumo. You just need one good friend, a 15-foot dirt ring, and some power water. (Beer works.) Give it a go, and remember: proper sportsmanship is key. Keep the smack talk to a minimum. Slap your belly instead.


Yabei!!!!!!

Best answer (and a free coffee!) goes to our pal William, who replied… “Van Halen, Runnin’ with the Devil.


You thought I was going to say Jump, didn’t you? Since you’ve already committed, I think Jump is redundant.


Runnin’ with the Devil...has a slow calming pump, is about freedom, lack of social ties, and living life today. Be present, give less f$&ks.”


Mindfulness at its best!  Click below to blast jams and be free!

P.S. Got something fun / weird / fascinating to give away for free? Reply to this email with a photo and description - best submission will win a free coffee!

LOCAL NEWS:

SMOKE PARTY IN CORONA PARK!!!


Any of our readers in the great city of New York might wanna swing on by Corona park this evening. It’s sure to be a popular smoking destination, especially after the Associated Press released this hilarious story about somebody reefer-dusting the US Open courts!!!


“Court 17 definitely smells like Snoop Dogg’s living room,” said Alexander Zverev, the tournament’s 12th-seeded man who won his opening match on the court Tuesday. “Oh my God, it’s everywhere. The whole court smells like weed.”


FREE SHIT!!!

THIS SHIT IS FREE YALL!!! GO SNAP UP THE BOOTY YOU BUDGET PIRATE!!!

TRAMPOLINE!

Another perfect use for this jumping-themed playlist.


ELEPHANT EARS!

Of the flora variety, not the fauna variety.


PIANO AND POOL TABLE!!

A TWO FOR ONE!! YOU’RE LOSING MONEY IF YOU DON’T SNAP THESE UP!


SKATEBOARD RAMP!

Shred gnar in the comfort of your own drop-in.

NEW AROUND THESE PARTS?

Keep Tokin Aces, Friends!

TILL NEXT TIME,

ALOHA!

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